There are a number of known personality types, one of these types is known as a “People Pleaser”, typically a person who struggles to say No.
This type of trait, can cause a huge amount of inner conflict, as by saying Yes to everybody’s demands, means that little time can be given for their own self-care and needs.
What do I mean by Inner Conflict?
“Imagine 2 pieces of material rubbing together causing
Friction causes energy, typically heat e.g. inflammation.
We may be totally unaware of this conflict, because over time it can become a habit.”
So it is really good to understand where your boundaries are, as you cannot expect other people to know, if you don’t know yourself!
A recent example for me, was leaving a job.
A contributing factor for me leaving, was that I was paired up with a lady whose negativity would sap the life out of me.
Before I left, she asked me about my leaving drinks, and I politely said, ‘oh its only a small do, with a few colleagues from a different department’.
The hint was very obvious, but she still asked ‘can I come?’
The easiest thing would have been to say yes, but as with most things, the most challenging route creates the most growth…. So I said ‘No’.
The point is that I knew my own personal boundary and acted upon it, yes it was more challenging in the short term, but nothing compared to if I would had said yes to please her, as I would have had to sit with that inner conflict for days.
Tips moving forward:
- Check in with yourself before you make a decision, take the time to ask yourself ‘is this something I want to do?’
- Spend time understanding your own personal boundaries, so that you can be confident and comfortable in what you will, and will not do.