Know Your Boundaries

There are a number of known personality types, one of these types is known as a “People Pleaser”, typically a person who struggles to say No.

This type of trait, can cause a huge amount of inner conflict, as by saying Yes to everybody’s demands, means that little time can be given for their own self-care and needs.

What do I mean by Inner Conflict?

“Imagine 2 pieces of material rubbing together causing friction.
Friction causes energy, typically heat e.g. inflammation.
We may be totally unaware of this conflict, because over time it can become a habit.”

So it is really good to understand where your boundaries are, as you cannot expect other people to know, if you don’t know yourself!

A recent example for me, was leaving a job.

A contributing factor for me leaving, was that I was paired up with a lady whose negativity would sap the life out of me.

Before I left, she asked me about my leaving drinks, and I politely said, ‘oh its only a small do, with a few colleagues from a different department’.

The hint was very obvious, but she still asked ‘can I come?’

The easiest thing would have been to say yes, but as with most things, the most challenging route creates the most growth…. So I said ‘No’.

The point is that I knew my own personal boundary and acted upon it, yes it was more challenging in the short term, but nothing compared to if I would had said yes to please her, as I would have had to sit with that inner conflict for days.

Tips moving forward:

  1. Check in with yourself before you make a decision, take the time to ask yourself ‘is this something I want to do?’
  2. Spend time understanding your own personal boundaries, so that you can be confident and comfortable in what you will, and will not do.

Health is Wealth

So often we can focus on what we don’t want in life:

“I don’t want to get ill”

“I don’t want this pain”

“I can’t afford to become unwell at the moment”

From this mindset we can easily focus and study the very thing that we don’t want, thinking that it is a productive thing to do.

For example:

– Have back pain and then start learning all about the structure of the back and back pain stories.

– Have stomach problems and then start focusing on all things stomach and digestion related.

However, what I suggest instead, is to study the very opposite, focusing on what you do want in life …..

Wealth instead of debt

Happiness instead of depression

Calmness instead of anxiety

Health instead of pain / illness

In my own personal study of health, I have found a tool that can be used to promote this healthy thinking, named JEM!

This is a real game changer and I suggest that you do it daily, for maximum benefit:

J  –  Journal – What this means is, write down your thoughts, then rip the paper up and throw it away.
The practice is clearing the clutter out of your mind, it’s better out than in, and doing it this way, allows you to be as brutally honest as you want, without any judgement.

E  – Exercise – This is an intimidating and boring word for a lot of people, so if it helps, use the word movement or activity instead.
Research tells us that we are more likely to stick with something if we enjoy it, so find something which moves your body and that you enjoy

M  – Meditate – This does not mean that you have to become a Buddhist monk, just work on a state of mindlessness.
A good way of doing that is to focus completely on your breath, the breath is always the present moment, so if we can anchor to the breath (now) we will stop ruminating on past events or on concerns about the future.